of DB & Friends
As a self-proclaimed professional Rant Man, I take a lot of pride in how thoroughly I examine every detail of a topic before I give it the dignity of one of my rants. It’s a personal thing. Since this is my first rant as part of DB & Friends, I feel a bit of introduction is fairly appropriate. But, as you’ll come to learn, I am anything but apropriate.
But, I digress. This isn’t about me. This isn’t about you. This is about us. And by us, I mean those who have blindly and loyally followed every season of Game of Thrones from the first trip north of the wall…all in the hopes of being rewarded with a worthy culmintion and finale. Alas, we were left dangling by our necks, standing on a chair while the executioner carefully decided which foot he would use to kick them out from under us, punching our tickets to hades. Grim, yeah no shit. Tell me about it.
Since this is my first rant you’re reading, I’ll try to keep it as brief, yet honest as possible. They’ll be plenty of time in the future for us to go into much more detail when someone (producer, writer, etc.) fucks up a brilliant work of art and such things are warranted.
I suppose I am the “angry” friend, but I like to think of myself more as a realist. I mean if something is really shitty, then why be clean about it? “Call it what it is, not what you want it to be” I always say. So to spare you some time and a bit of realist anger, I’ll limit this rant to the last episode and a few things that REALLY pissed me off. More GoT specific content will emerge later on, so be on the lookout! Anywhooo…here we go……………….
I think that I shall never see a king in the north as useless as me…id like to think that’s what the great jon snow would have thought to himself as he sat locked away in a prison cell somewhere inside of what was left of king’s landing. Since his queen simply had to succumb to ill-pace and shitty timing per the writers’ instructions, not much remained of the once bustling home of one million inhabitants. Apparently bells or some shit were the culminating straws that broke khaleesi’s psychological back and made her go full targaryen terror on women, children or who the fuck ever drogon spotted.
If I have to qualify, I guess that was the first thing that really pissed me off. If dragons are so much more emotionally complex and logical than humans in this world, why the hell did he even listen to her and burn indiscriminately? Only to scorch the throne like 4 hours later in some transcendental moment of emotionally astute rage? I don’t get the shit. Like where is the emotional awareness when it actually counts? Nobody gives a shit about the throne now anyway because the entire fucking red keep was wasted! That’s the first strike.
I’d have to say good old strike number 2, aka the second to last worst thing I hated about this episode was the passage of time and placement of completely unknown and/or irrelevant characters at the royal winter’s over meetinf. There is literally no time reference as to how much has elapsed between shots. This never happens in GoT. Maybe the occasional anachronism for fantasy sake, but never just literally…”wait, how long has he been there?” It went from winter is here…khaleesi is dead…oh my god… to “shit that was quick.” 😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐
That was my expression when greyworm brought a bearded Tyrion before the newly formed super friends. The dialogue was quite possibly the most basic and nonsensical speech I had ever heard on the show.
“What’s more powerful than a good story” or some shit. “Who has a better story than Bran the Broken?” 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨 Are you kidding me right now? Literally every person, that we actually know, sitting around him has a better story. Hell man Yara let her little brother tickle her 🐱🐱🐱 for God’s sake. And after Tyrion finishes the speech that he still gave even after ol wormio literally told him that he couldn’t speak there anymore…after sansa nepotises her way into being queen of a totally independent kingdom cuz BrAnS hEr bRoThRr…after neither yara nor the prince of dorne (I guess) petitioned for their own free independent kingdoms…after greyus wormius stands there and literally does exactly what he told Tyrion to do…what does the 3 eyed raven say 🤔🤔🤔…hmmm?…”why do you think I came all this way?”
I couldn’t get jiggy with that shit man. So you mean to tell me ol pop a wheelie B. Stark convinced Sam to tell jon the truth about his heritage, just for jon to tell dany, just to insight a fucking conflict that would result in one dying and the other being sentenced to permanent exile…let countless innocence suffer and die…just so you could wheel your happy ass down to kings landing and rule the seven…excuse me six…kingdoms????
Like seriously how sinister is that shit? Think about all the characters who met their ends during the course of the last three episodes of this season and try to visualize their character arcs either crashing and burning of disappearing altogether. It was brutal to consider. But I guess the writers figured it was the least ass way to wrap it up. Which I don’t get. I mean come on some of the decisions to move in certain directions while completely forgetting about hints, clues, prophesies, Easter eggs…everything…were just asinine. I’m not the greatest writer in the world. I mean I do rant on a professional level in my opinion. But there had to have been somewhere in the inner circle of production or whatever that read through the script and was like…ok this is fucking stupid.
So yeah the entire bran is the best king bit felt so cheesy and forced. But undoubtedly the worst moment for me during that episode was the fact that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING CHANGED. I mean think about it. Bran ended up king, the house’s nobility still choose who will rule the common folk, Bron of all fucking people is master of coin (he didn’t become a decent person after Cersei died. Still same old Bron; whores and what not), Robert baratheon’s kid still rules the riverlands, jon has to March his happy ass back up to the snow, samwell is still incompetent, and to top it all off Bran still talks like he’s permanently blazed and has people pushing him around!
I don’t know. I suppose in the grand scheme of things the show had more cumulative good moments than bad ones. I mean it was the fact the show was so damn good at first that got people like me so heavily invested at all. But what the writers did to the final season, arguably two seasons, was absolutely unforgivable. They ruined the ending to an otherwise spectacular show full of talented actors and beautiful visual storytelling. Rantman Rick was very disappointed.
A song of ice an fire was the name of the book Sam helped write chronicling the wars and shit. To me that shit was a slap in the face. Like don’t try to use some cheesy last minute nod to the source material as your saving grace. You fucked up. Get over it.
Honestly Rantman Rick can’t even watch the other seasons after this. Seeing all the buildup, character development and foreshadowing just to know it all ends up being a giant shitburger is too much to bear.
Anyhoo…this is Rantman Rick of DB & Friends giving you my first of many critiques on movie and fantasy fuck ups. Remember, balance is key. Until next time. Rantman Out!